How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
