She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me