Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility