my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that