i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES