man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
