so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing