there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.