I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.