i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
