Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
