how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
