she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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