i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just had sex on a roof
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
