So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I want to fling myself into the sun
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
