I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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