So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
