Your mouth is God's brothel.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
