I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
