Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
