why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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