I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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