im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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