Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize