My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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