Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize