Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize