i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
