last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
