Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
