Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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