I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo