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The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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