3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
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If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.