Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.