you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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