Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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