ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
