You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
