I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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