the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
