I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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