You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
