If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
