i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
