He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
