Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair