I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.