i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion