I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid