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hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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