hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly