I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?