I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
