There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
