When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
