May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
