it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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