I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
