do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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