woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
