it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
