Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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