hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
