Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
