Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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