very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
operation have a gay friend backfired
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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