i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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