Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
