i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
