I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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