just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
