Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize