I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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