she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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