Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
